Knitting and Anne of green Gables

Oy yoy... I got my hair cut today! I decided that I was going to chop it off. it was impulisive but i know that in the past i had it super short and loved it... so - i did it again! it's just hair, right??

I love it.

I am so grateful for the moments in time that I have with my brittany friend too. she is so wonderful. I am so glad that she is in my life...

I am so dang emotional today and what movie do you think I chose to watch?? Anne of Green Gables. It is so ... wonderful. It still makes me laugh the movies that I have seen over and over where girls say "I am 16 years old! I am not a child anymore!" It is SO strange! I remember when I was a child thinking, my my that sounds SO OLD! Now... whew... 6 years past that! And I know how young I really am... There are days I claim my adulthood at 22 and I feel "so grown up" and then... there are days I still feel like a little girl... so unsure of my life... of who I am and where I am going. And there are moments of complete peace and confidence...

and moments when I still dream of my prince charging into my life on a gorgeous steed to take me to our future... of sacrificing and living for me... oh boy. I should stop watching so many chic flicks! I think its rotting my brain! ;) And yet, I love it!

until tomorrow...

Weeks and weeks later! oy vey!

Can't believe that so much time has passed again. I am sure it gets boring to hear that same old lame excuse but it makes me realize how scary it is that my life is just passing me by. I have been doing a lot of evaluating in the last few weeks of what I want my life to be really... I have started reading my Bible again daily, such a small thing that makes all the difference in the world... (and sad because that means i am admitting some time has passed that I have not done that.) I remember pastors and leaders telling me when I was growing up that daily devotional time was so key to a healthy life... to a strong life.... to a life with purpose... oh how quickly I let that fall to the wayside. it is so sad really and so key to making my life full!

Anyway... it has left me longing for more of Jesus' presence in my life. Not just living a boring life... working day to day and settling for mediocrity. Compromising in even small ways makes my life seem so shallow and empty. I am trying to learn again to abide in his presence... to not let the daily grind kill me and make me downcast.... I remember a pastor of mine used to remind me, "why so down cast oh my soul" and then would move on to remind me that my God has not left me and that his presence and life will sustain me...

I had an amazing night with Callie and Sharon the other night. It was going to be the last time we hung out before Callie headed back to New York... we ate at the Thai Carrot which was wonderful! and then we went over to Devin and Jane's for awhile.... we talked, did updates on our lives... "weather reports". My weather report was cloudy... that I felt truly I have been in the fog and gray in the spirit as well as in the natural here on the harbor. :P I didn't know and still don't know sometimes why God has brought me back to Grays Harbor. It is hard to be here... and things continue to change and to be hard... not that I think life would be perfect somewhere else I know that is not true! but I wonder... I wanted to be home for the holidays. I wanted to be here for Thanksgiving.

I was.

Christmas...

I was.

I wanted to be home for New Years.

I was.

I have been home nearly 10 months. I can hardly believe it. But I have.

I am listening to music and a worship song: "I feel a change a comin" is playing... How fitting for this moment that I am typing...

I think it may be time... Hmmm....

God, what do you have in store for me?

In the mean time, I continue to knit and learn and seek out what God has in store... and more importantly I seek HIM... What a good reason to be alive, to serve the love of my life...