Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A new stage of life is coming... I feel it... For the past few months I have spent a lot of time KNITTING. Which is not bad. I have made many things that are fun and a few very practical things... the latest being a precious baby blanket for a good friend of mine who is having a baby this June. Isn't it cute??

I have been working through a lot of ... stuff... and in a quiet place of surrender I have been allowing the Lord to work a lot OUT of me. I feel like it has been a long and grueling process and I know that it is not over. that it will be a lifetime journey... but I see some hope at the end of a long tunnel.

Also it dawned on me today that I have been home for a year. It's been a year since I walked back onto American soil after 4 months of living in Haiti. It seemed like such a great accomplishment 12 months ago. Today it seems like truly it was just a breath of time. It was and then it was over. Adjusting to life in the states after that brief, beautiful heart breaking, life molding time in Haiti has been difficult. 'You are going home to a battle' was a word spoken over my life days before I left Haiti... I could not have anticipated what awaited me in REALITY. In reality it was going to mean that everyone that I was close to would be distanced from me in almost all arena's of my life. That by my choice or not many of my friends were no longer going to be a part of my life, at least not how i knew life before I left. It meant that life as I knew it no longer existed. It meant that I was going to be shaken to the core of who I was, in ways that I had not yet experienced in my life.

God has helped me to build bridges in many of those broken relationships, but some I fear will only be a brief scent of some wonderful part of my history. I miss a lot of people that have walked away or that I have walked away from. God has blessed me with many new friends and influences, that I know would love to be a bigger part of my life, but the truth is I haven't known how to express myself which is so different for me. I hardly ever have had a problem with that in the past... but these days I find myself having SO MUCH To say that I don't think I can share with everyone that means something to me like i would in the past because perhaps I have learned not to burden others? Perhaps I have learned not to push myself and my issues on others or perhaps I am scared to trust. Or perhaps the Lord is teaching me to lean on him FIRST and to share my burden with him instead of loading it on others before going to him as my source of peace. Anyway you look at it there are many people in my life that I am so grateful for and I don't know if they truly know how much their consistent love and support has meant to me in this last year of change and growth. I am truly thankful for the people that have crossed my path.

As I said I feel a change in my spirit, a shift in the course of life. I feel like I have been going on a stream, floating, surviving, not working much but I feel like the 'rest' is coming to an end. The preparation for the "next stage" is coming to a close and Life is going to start again. The battle, the fight and reality is coming. i have no idea which way the Lord will lead... but I am open and ready to see where he will take me.

Thank you again to all of my friends who have stood by me with patience and love and prayers. You know who you are. Thank you.