Wednesday, March 18, 2009

A new stage of life is coming... I feel it... For the past few months I have spent a lot of time KNITTING. Which is not bad. I have made many things that are fun and a few very practical things... the latest being a precious baby blanket for a good friend of mine who is having a baby this June. Isn't it cute??

I have been working through a lot of ... stuff... and in a quiet place of surrender I have been allowing the Lord to work a lot OUT of me. I feel like it has been a long and grueling process and I know that it is not over. that it will be a lifetime journey... but I see some hope at the end of a long tunnel.

Also it dawned on me today that I have been home for a year. It's been a year since I walked back onto American soil after 4 months of living in Haiti. It seemed like such a great accomplishment 12 months ago. Today it seems like truly it was just a breath of time. It was and then it was over. Adjusting to life in the states after that brief, beautiful heart breaking, life molding time in Haiti has been difficult. 'You are going home to a battle' was a word spoken over my life days before I left Haiti... I could not have anticipated what awaited me in REALITY. In reality it was going to mean that everyone that I was close to would be distanced from me in almost all arena's of my life. That by my choice or not many of my friends were no longer going to be a part of my life, at least not how i knew life before I left. It meant that life as I knew it no longer existed. It meant that I was going to be shaken to the core of who I was, in ways that I had not yet experienced in my life.

God has helped me to build bridges in many of those broken relationships, but some I fear will only be a brief scent of some wonderful part of my history. I miss a lot of people that have walked away or that I have walked away from. God has blessed me with many new friends and influences, that I know would love to be a bigger part of my life, but the truth is I haven't known how to express myself which is so different for me. I hardly ever have had a problem with that in the past... but these days I find myself having SO MUCH To say that I don't think I can share with everyone that means something to me like i would in the past because perhaps I have learned not to burden others? Perhaps I have learned not to push myself and my issues on others or perhaps I am scared to trust. Or perhaps the Lord is teaching me to lean on him FIRST and to share my burden with him instead of loading it on others before going to him as my source of peace. Anyway you look at it there are many people in my life that I am so grateful for and I don't know if they truly know how much their consistent love and support has meant to me in this last year of change and growth. I am truly thankful for the people that have crossed my path.

As I said I feel a change in my spirit, a shift in the course of life. I feel like I have been going on a stream, floating, surviving, not working much but I feel like the 'rest' is coming to an end. The preparation for the "next stage" is coming to a close and Life is going to start again. The battle, the fight and reality is coming. i have no idea which way the Lord will lead... but I am open and ready to see where he will take me.

Thank you again to all of my friends who have stood by me with patience and love and prayers. You know who you are. Thank you.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Knitting and Anne of green Gables

Oy yoy... I got my hair cut today! I decided that I was going to chop it off. it was impulisive but i know that in the past i had it super short and loved it... so - i did it again! it's just hair, right??

I love it.

I am so grateful for the moments in time that I have with my brittany friend too. she is so wonderful. I am so glad that she is in my life...

I am so dang emotional today and what movie do you think I chose to watch?? Anne of Green Gables. It is so ... wonderful. It still makes me laugh the movies that I have seen over and over where girls say "I am 16 years old! I am not a child anymore!" It is SO strange! I remember when I was a child thinking, my my that sounds SO OLD! Now... whew... 6 years past that! And I know how young I really am... There are days I claim my adulthood at 22 and I feel "so grown up" and then... there are days I still feel like a little girl... so unsure of my life... of who I am and where I am going. And there are moments of complete peace and confidence...

and moments when I still dream of my prince charging into my life on a gorgeous steed to take me to our future... of sacrificing and living for me... oh boy. I should stop watching so many chic flicks! I think its rotting my brain! ;) And yet, I love it!

until tomorrow...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Weeks and weeks later! oy vey!

Can't believe that so much time has passed again. I am sure it gets boring to hear that same old lame excuse but it makes me realize how scary it is that my life is just passing me by. I have been doing a lot of evaluating in the last few weeks of what I want my life to be really... I have started reading my Bible again daily, such a small thing that makes all the difference in the world... (and sad because that means i am admitting some time has passed that I have not done that.) I remember pastors and leaders telling me when I was growing up that daily devotional time was so key to a healthy life... to a strong life.... to a life with purpose... oh how quickly I let that fall to the wayside. it is so sad really and so key to making my life full!

Anyway... it has left me longing for more of Jesus' presence in my life. Not just living a boring life... working day to day and settling for mediocrity. Compromising in even small ways makes my life seem so shallow and empty. I am trying to learn again to abide in his presence... to not let the daily grind kill me and make me downcast.... I remember a pastor of mine used to remind me, "why so down cast oh my soul" and then would move on to remind me that my God has not left me and that his presence and life will sustain me...

I had an amazing night with Callie and Sharon the other night. It was going to be the last time we hung out before Callie headed back to New York... we ate at the Thai Carrot which was wonderful! and then we went over to Devin and Jane's for awhile.... we talked, did updates on our lives... "weather reports". My weather report was cloudy... that I felt truly I have been in the fog and gray in the spirit as well as in the natural here on the harbor. :P I didn't know and still don't know sometimes why God has brought me back to Grays Harbor. It is hard to be here... and things continue to change and to be hard... not that I think life would be perfect somewhere else I know that is not true! but I wonder... I wanted to be home for the holidays. I wanted to be here for Thanksgiving.

I was.


I was.

I wanted to be home for New Years.

I was.

I have been home nearly 10 months. I can hardly believe it. But I have.

I am listening to music and a worship song: "I feel a change a comin" is playing... How fitting for this moment that I am typing...

I think it may be time... Hmmm....

God, what do you have in store for me?

In the mean time, I continue to knit and learn and seek out what God has in store... and more importantly I seek HIM... What a good reason to be alive, to serve the love of my life...

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Merry Christmas... and the days that followed

IT has been a whirlwind couple of days!! okay week. :)

I can't believe Christmas has come and gone again.... so weird!! I was sad, my friend Jessica was supposed to come stay with me for a few days but because of the darn weather it couldn't happen :( But it's okay she is going to come stay with me in January! hopefully we'll get some fun pictures from that!

so the last week has been great. mostly sitting around and knitting :) Or baking goodies with mom and watching old movies. It has been so wonderful I do treasure it!

I have to show off the brilliant new project I am working on! IT is really coming along... Now don't get freaked out and think what a weirdo -- why is Kim knitting baby clothes??? Here is the thing -- baby's will always be being born... right? Right. SO I am practicing new stitches and i figure if I can knit baby clothes maybe someday I can knit my own sweaters and things as well :) That's the theory. SO I bought a baby book and I started knitting. They say it is agood place to start... so I am starting there :) i am so proud! A good gift for someone I love or maybe it will stay in my hope chest for someday -- who knows?? :)

I am finding that Christmas is different every year... certainly this year is way different than last year!!

Last year:
A tree drawn on a white board.
A Christmas exchange with friends in Haiti.
Swimming in the Caribbean.

This year:
At least a 3 dimensional tree ;)
Gifts with family.
Trying not to break my neck on the ice.

I really can't get over how different it is. It is a feeling of culture shock all over again even though I've been home for over 9 months now. Sometimes it still feels strange! Sometimes I miss Haiti and my friends so much it hurts! (Side note -- I got a surprise phone date with my friend Lisa from Haiti! It was wonderful!!)

This year was great! We did something we have never done before -- we had Christmas Eve dinner with Marc and Cindy and Rick and Amy Moyer and kids, it was awesome! We had chinese :) WE went to Canton. Catherine had made me my own personal gingerbread man and unfortunately Amy Broke off the head! IT was really tasty though!! yum yum!

Then I took some Christmas goodies to my friend Matt at work. IT was good to see him. Friends and family on christmas = goodness.

Then we drove to Taholah. It was snowing. A truly white Christmas. It's been years since I've seen that! It was beautiful but a little scary to drive in. It was so good to be home for Christmas. to have Uncle and Grandma both home and doing fairly well. Mom and dad got me just what I wanted for Christmas! A cool ipod docking station with speakers and a subwoofer! It is so cool! AND a new little Acer Aspire One! I LOVE IT! It is so wonderful. It works great and I can take it with me places and it has so much space! It is wonderful.

Overall it was a wonderful wonderful day!

Now I am back to work and trying to figure out what to do with life starting in January... Still praying about moving to Olympia -- pray with me will ya? :) That God would reveal the path ahead of me...

Now off to work...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

A snowy few days

I can't believe the weather! OH MY GOODNESS! It is beautiful though! I love my camera! I took some pictures today with my parents on our adventure going to Dennis Co. to get some pellets for our stove so we wouldn't freeze tonight and then to the mall and walmart for a few things. it was craziness!!!

Look at the big Charlie Brown snow flakes!! Amazing huh??
Here is my face that I wore most of the night in the truck!! Scared to death that dad might spin us off the road! Just kidding! I always feel safe with daddy driving! (almost!)
I am so glad that this crazy amount of snow being dumped in the city didn't come yesterday! because I had a great day! I worked which was crazy!! And then I took CALLIE some coffee to brighten her day and to attack her with a hug!! it was wonderful!! I am SOOOO glad she is home from New York for a little while!! I missed her!!
Then we met up with Lacy and Sharon at Casa Mia later that night! It was so wonderful to just hang with friends and be... It was wonderful!!

Then Lacy and Sharon and I went to the Christmas sweater party at Megans. It was a blast. We played fishbowl and the girls beat the boys by one point!! Great job ladies! I am so glad I went. It was a ball!! then Lacy and I went to Sharons to watch old movies. It was just such a great day! I am so glad for those 3 women in my life! And I am so grateful that I get to be called their friends!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A few days of ... rest??

So the last 2 days I have had off work. IT has been WONDERFUL! Tuesday I slept in which was glorious. And then I had a few things to do around town. woopee! :P I decided since I had a lot on my mind and no way to ... express it I would go for a DRIVE. I drove to Westport and silly girl I am in my high heel boots decided to climb the jetty. I am sure it was entertaining to watch, but it was wonderful. I do love the ocean... so much. It was pretty grey out but I enjoyed it anyway. I had my scarf wrapped around my head like pictures we see of Mary and Joseph. IT was pretty hilarious, but i wanted to be warm even though it was so flippin cold outside! I found a big rock at the top and sat down for about 20 minutes. as long as I could take it! It was long enough to really sit and pray and think through a few things. I always find peace when I am at the sea... There was a lone sea gull floating in the waves eating his lunch I assume and I thought, it's okay to be alone sometimes... to just "BE". It was quite nice. I crawled back down trying not to slip and break my neck! Climbed in my warm car (as warm as it gets these days anyway!) and drove off just as it started downpouring! I thanked God that I was able to enjoy those few moments before the storm. I needed it.

And then I went to knit night! I LOVE knit night! I have found so much joy in spending time with the ladies that come to the Yarn Corner. They are such a blessing and so fun to be around. I laugh and enjoy it. And I get to knit, which is becoming one of my favorite things to do!

I went home and finished up my latest pair of socks! That makes 5 down. :o) They are so awesome! :o) I LOVE THEM!

And then today... oh today. I went out to breakfast with Brittany. What a blast. I love her so much and feel so honored to be a trusted friend. She brings joy into my life. I needed to hear the joy and reality from a friend. I am so grateful for who she is and the sister and friend she is becoming more and more as time goes on. Weird today she told me and I hadn't realized it -- but we have been friends for TEN YEARS! Dang people that's a decade!!

And then, I hung out with Melina while my tires were being changed -- oy $200 is a lot these days for tires. Yuck. and that's just for 2!! But Melina as well was a blessing. IS a blessing. I am so grateful for FRIENDS. I have felt so alone in the past few months and in the last few weeks I have realized again just how many friends I have and how grateful I am for them. We sat in my Sisters Bakery -- it's wonderful! I absolutely recommend it to everyone and anyone! Check it out!!

Then I ran some more errands. Oh hooray! NOT! lol.

Then I thought, I should make cookies. So I did :o) And I took them to a friend. We had a nice chat. IT was lovely. And I am reminded again how grateful I am for old friends and New friends.

And tonight I started a new sock! IT is beautiful! I am content. For this moment in time. :o)

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A month gone by again... wow.

Now let me say -- do you see that smile? And the sparkle in the eyes? IT WON'T GO AWAY! I will tell you this -- I am praying and seeking the Lord... and I have a thankful heart that is full of joy.... For now, I'll keep smiling... Man, I missed having my smile. I am so glad that the Lord has brought me through the fire and given me the oil of gladness... and taken away the spirit of heaviness... What a relief.

I cannot believe how much has happened in a month. MY word! Oy Vey.

Well what can I tell you about life? Hmmmm....

Days are continuing to go by and my life is a swirl of craziness! I am rediscovering the goodness of a lot of old friendships and beginning some new and very encouraging and wonderful friendships as well. :o) I feel my life... changing again. I don't know what exactly this will mean... but I know that the next chapter in my life is beginning soon. I feel the last one coming to a meaningful and fulfilling close.

I have done a LOT of reflecting in the past few weeks, reading through old journals... thinking about different parts of my life and I feel so grateful for today. A lot of times I felt like my heart and mind were being jerked around or suddenly halted so I felt like my whole world would just collapse. I know days like that will come again but today I feel some peace, knowing that my life will always be in the Lord's hands...

I have spent an extreme amount of time knitting in the last month... I'll show you some projects.
Yes, all 3 Of these pairs of socks were done in the last month, maybe 2. And this scarf and I am in the middle of another pair of socks and another scarf. I love it. It truly is therapeutic! I can sit and dream and pray and enjoy the satisfaction of creating something beautiful!

I have also read an entire book with about 470 pages in about a 48 hour timespan. Wow. IT was crazy. but keep in mind, it quite possibly may be my favorite book! Other than the Bible of course. It's called Redeeming Love. If you have never read it. Find it. It's by Francine Rivers and it is based on the book of Hosea. it is so beautiful. and So life giving. I love it!

And now... back to work for me. Yay Starbucks! :P Oy.

More soon -- I promise :o)